Unfortunately, I feel like this is what this Christmas season looks like. So much imbalance in the world. So many people need help…so much to do, yet so few doing something.
(Source: brianecclpark, via bessiemichelle)
Somethings in life shouldn’t be. But God sees it all, he hears it all, he knows it all, and he is calling us all to do something about the pain and the hurting world.
In a society of so many choices of entertainment, one could literally live from one thrill to the next…
Scenario: Four friends decide to hang out on a friday night (or insert any day of the week). They drive to the theater, and sit in front of the big screen (no interaction with each other), then they go grab something to eat. All four of them are on their phones/ipads, texting, tweeting or facebooking (because these words have become verbs now). They talk about something that someone else posted up, they post something up (pictures, updates), and sooner or later their night is over. They say goodbyes with a “we should do this again sometime,” but little do they know that they have spent less time together than they actually realize.
Gone are the days when people actually sat down to talk about what really mattered, or what was going on in their lives. When finding out about people’s lives didn’t include snooping on their pages, getting news feeds about them, or reading wall posts. Smh.
The culture counts down to the street date of releasing records and movies. Untold thousands line up days ahead to purchase fancy late technologies. Countless hours are spent conquering pixels on gaming consoles. Contact with our families is stifled by the addiction to the world of social networking. It is in this time, and in this culture that we find such a vacuum for meaning. Depression, suicide and violence are escalating around us. Is it any surprise? We know and feel this link down in our boots.
I have been guilty of some of these cultural shifts, but is this what our lives have become? 140 characters on one of the world’s most famous social networking sites, or marketing yourself so that everyone on your friends list can be accepting of you - or at least the you they think there is.
Jesus said “I came that you might have life and have it abundantly”. How did we get lost in the marketing ploys of the major motion picture industries? How did we loose our family time to websites? Why? Not because any of the above are necessarily inherently evil but because our hearts priorities are in the wrong places.
We have become so busy that we have lost the time for the Word of God in our families, in our hearts, sadly in some of our churches. The evangelical culture becomes increasingly lax towards outright evil as the culture swings away from the study of the Bible. How does one live for God. Satan tempted Jesus with the very question of needs. To which Jesus responded “Man shall not live by bread alone, but on every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God”. Cast your vote on which master you will serve with your time, with your talents, and with your treasure. As far as it seems now, the world of media and technology is seemingly becoming our “master”. As Luke 12:34 says: “For where your treasure is there will your heart be also”.
Where is your heart?
The life of hopping from one thrill to another seems exciting, until we come to a point when we realize that nothing is meaningful to us anymore. Instead of living for today, enjoying this moment, spending valuable time with friends and family, we tweet our feelings to the rest of the world, update our facebook statuses sometimes just to get attention, and then return to it to see who commented and who didn’t. Jesus calls us to a world that is more thrilling than what this world will ever have to offer. He longs to wake us up in the morning and spend time loving us and showing us the beauty of his creation, as opposed to us waking up and checking our phones, emails, messages and what-nots. He wants to do something extra-ordinary in our lives, but if we think everything else in this world is “extra-ordinary” outside of Christ, we miss the meaning of life. He is the meaning of life, and there is no life without him. There is only an existence.
You, are the most beautiful person I’ve ever gazed on. Your majesty and splendor radiates from afar, even before I get close to your throne. You hold me in your arms and wrap me up with all of you and refuse to let me go.
Your eyes are like the most precious pearls and they pierce deep into my heart, and my soul. They burn like fire with passion and love, and you gaze down on me, as I look up to you. You lock your gaze into mine and my heart melts as I stare at your beauty and your majesty. My heart melts as your glory completely takes my breath away, and for a moment it feels like eternity and forever at the same time. It seems like time stops and i could care less about everyone and everything around me. It feels like the only thing that really matters is this moment, and I never want to let it go. And then I see your hands reaching towards me, to hold my frailty. As you gently touch me, and reach into my heart, changing all that I was and all that I am, giving me purpose and re-writing all that I will be henceforth.
My eyes stay locked in your eyes Jesus, in your radiance, and I say, “My heart is yours, take it, break it, make it and mold it for your glory. I would rather die a thousand deaths than live one day without you. I don’t want to leave this moment because there’s no where else I’d rather be.”
Right then I catch a glimpse of you smiling down on me, with a beauty that the world has never known, a beauty that radiates your holiness. All of a sudden, with your sweet and calming voice you say to me, “set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for my love is unyielding like the grave. It burns like a mighty flame, like a mighty blazing fire. Uloma, many waters cannot quench my love for you, and rivers cannot wash it away. I will always be here, by your side. You will not go one moment of your life without my eyes watching every move you make. Nothing will ever separate you from my love for you, not life, not death, because I love you with an everlasting love.”
With all of the tears streaming down my face, my only response is “I willingly lose my life so that I can have you, because your love is better than life. It will profit me nothing to gain the world and lose you.”
And just then I realized: I’m in love with LOVE himself. The author of LOVE, and the one that IS Love. Yes, I’m in love with the King of glory, the King of kings, the Lord of hosts, the Lord of lords the Jehovah Jireh, Jehovah El-Shaddai, Jehovah Rohi, Jehovah Shalom, El-Elyon, El-Roi, Elohim, Adonai, El-Olam, the bright and morning star, lily of the valley, rose of sharon, the most awesome, almighty, ever present, all-knowing, merciful, good, great, love, life, compassionate, graceful, cheerful, the most full of smiles and full of laughter person I’ve ever met in my whole life. His love I cannot contain, it is literally like a burning flame inside my heart, and it consumes everything inside of me.
Cambodia - Chicago - Nigeria, all on different continents and all different time zones. I’ve been in Nigeria for about a week so far. I think my body was extremely confused when I arrived. In some ways, I think it still is actually. Either way, I’m happy to be here. I spent the first few days with my childhood sister and bestfriend, it was certainly great reconnecting. I love how the Lord is using us in different ways and how he is bringing us back together. I love her very much. I got to meet new friends, and saw somewhat old friends - building relationships again. I also got to rest a bit, although, I still think I need so much more rest. I got an email from a friend from Cambodia to update me on Srey Tep and her family. I was completely over joyed to hear about how she is doing. I’ll let you read most of the email yourself :) “I want to tell you about Srey Tep. She wants to try and study English, and she wants me to buy some books for her because she is sad that she wants to write you messages and talk to you, but she can’t yet. She asks me about you. All of her family is okay.” - Do I miss this girl or what? I gave her an identical bracelet to one I wear now, everyday, and it reminds me to pray for her all the time, and I have been. I look forward to what God will do in her life really. I’m doing well. It’s good to be home. I’m beginning to think everywhere I go is becoming home. I call America home, I call Nigeria home, as of the time I left Cambodia, I was told that was my new home,
I went to the village of Takhmou to spend time with my kids one last time before I left, and also to say goodbye to Srey Tep and her family. I totally didn’t anticipate what I got.
My team and I decided that I would get the family some food items and clothing for the kids, which was basically how the day started. I went with my good friend Borith, who knows his way around the village really well, and helps me translate Khmer when necessary. We left really early in the morning and went to the market to buy food items for the family and some household necessities. The previous day, the girls and I went to the clothes market to get Tep and her sister some shirts. Anyway, after getting things for her family, I got all the kids in the village some treats (wafers, jelly suckers and sweet milk drink) - I need to tell you the miracle that accompanied these goodies for the kids on another post
Other than the fact that it is challenging to go into their village, I actually enjoy being there. The problem this time wasn’t mud. It was the fact that the rain had made the water rise to almost land level, and most of them were moving around in boats cos there was water everywhere. My options were to either try to walk on a broken bridge, or walk through the water. It was certainly a challenge. I conquered my fear of heights and got on the bridge, after God knows how long, we arrived with so much goodies for everyone.
I had so much fun playing around with the kids, telling them bible stories and dancing like we were crazy - gotta love kids. We gave them the things we brought for them and they were so grateful. I’m very sure we got less that 30 of each item, in regards to quantity, but for some odd reason (God), our food multiplied. All the kids, tons of them, got somethings and we had enough for some mothers who came to join story time, and some grandma’s as well. How awesome is that!
We headed across the church were we were playing around to Tep’s house and spent some time with her family. and everyone came into their house with us. Joy, fun, laughter, love - languages that only the heart can speak and translate at the same time. Her family were extremely grateful for the things they received, it was such an emotional moment. I gave Tep’s little sister the clothes I got her cos she is always running around naked, and she wanted to put them all on at once, and she paraded around the house with her new clothes. She was way too cute.
It was time for me to say goodbye, and I realized how hard it was. The more I spoke about how grateful I was for being welcomed into homes and into hearts, the more tears I heard. Some of the kids had gathered around, some elderly women, some grandmothers, some fathers…generally, there was quite a number of people there. Tep cried the most, she couldn’t believe my time was up. I gave her a bracelet (we have the same exact ones), and I told her to remember God’s love for her every time she looks at it, and remember that I’m always praying for her. Whoever said saying goodbye, or see you later was easy. My new family decided that this wasn’t a goodbye, it was more like “I’m headed to school for a few months and I’ll be back soon”.
As we left the house, Tep’s little sister looked at me, and had no idea why people were crying. She held on to me with a confused look on her face. After we had walked a few blocks away from her home, I heard her scream, and with the pretty little dress on her, she ran towards me screaming. I think she understood, it clicked, and she ran into my arms and hugged me. I had fought back tears all day, but that was really hard. I love that little girl.
As I walked away, all I could think about was, not only do I have a family, but I have a village. God gave me a village. I’m still processing what this all means. But I’ll tell you it is truly a blessing to love these people, and to serve them. I’ll miss them…but it will be until we see again, sometime soon.
As my time here in Cambodia draws to a close, so many thoughts are running through my mind. It’s crazy to think that all my excitement and slight fears about going to the other side of the world has come and it’s about to be gone. Soon, this could be a distant memory, or something great that happened at one point in my life, if I choose it to be that, but I refuse to let that be what this whole trip was about.
As I debrief with myself in my head, I wonder what’s next for me, obviously school, but then what? There is a whole world out there waiting to know that they are loved, waiting to know that they matter, waiting to be treated like they are humans, and I want to be a part of that world. I want to look girls in the eye and let them know that they are loved, that someone in this world cares about their needs and that they are created for so much more. It has been so fulfilling to be able to do that since I’ve been here.
Some of us have all that we need, and yet we complain about not having enough, about living paycheck to paycheck, while sometimes sitting on financed furniture, and consuming recently upgraded technology - at a cost (because there is new one almost every 6 months), and some drive off to work in leased cars with a $4 latte in hand. Our affluent poverty has blinded us to see that we are in some respects living beyond our means. When we have money to buy some new clothes, go out to eat with friends, go to the movies, treat ourselves every now and then, there are people who have no idea what a “big screen” looks like, there is a world that lives on about 50cents a day, a people who wear the same clothes everyday, and who are really trying to live on just their daily bread, hoping that tomorrow will bring something better. Our lifestyle struggles have pushed us into wanting more of the American dream, and less of the basics. Straddling between the lines of having much and needing more.
Did you know that there are people in the world who don’t know who they are? People who are not citizens of any country, who were never born in hospitals and don’t know how old they are. Imagine growing up to be that person. Born in a country that refuses to accept you as a citizen, and rejected by your own nation because you weren’t born there, and one of your two parents isn’t from there. Not having a father because your mother was raped, not having a birth certificate because you weren’t born in a hospital, not knowing if you have any family, and if anyone really loves you because you were born on foreign soil, or maybe, not really knowing what defines love. There are apparently way too many undocumented people (women and children) in the world, and I want to help make a difference in their lives. Yes, I know I’m just one person, but it took one person to die for our sins for us to have freedom in him, and that person lives in me. When has change not started by the decision of one person? I don’t want to be a hero, that’s God’s job, I just want to be the servant that lays down everything for the hero to use me. I don’t want to do anything in my strength, mostly because I really am not a strong person, really, I’m just a petite 5 foot 4 girl, who can’t do much in her strength, but his strength has proven over and over again to be made perfect in my weakness.
I think we are all somewhat responsible for the world around us, regardless of where you live, and being here has certainly reminded me of that. I’m not the perfect one, and I’m not saying all this to point fingers or demean anyone, but I think at some point we need to step back and think about the global world that we are a part of, and ask ourselves what are we doing to love our neighbors? And I challenge you to figure out who your “neighbor” is. As individuals (non-christians and christians) we are called to care for one another, as Christians we are called to so much more, and it makes no sense to claim God and say you are a Christian if you are not living what you have been called to. Sometimes that “love” that we show inside the church needs to be taken outside the church as well, after all, Jesus wasn’t sitting in the temples all day having fun with the disciples and going outside the temple acting like the world around him didn’t matter. He cared, he was concerned and he was always moved with compassion. We claim to be following Jesus, and to want to be more and more like him, but some of us need to be challenged to put our faith into action. It’s not just about what we say, but what we do counts more than what we say. We are called to move beyond carrying the bible around, talking about God sometimes, going to church all the time, and staying in our closed christian bubble.
I pray that you will make yourself available to see the world through God’s eyes, be broken for the things that break his heart, to be filled with his love and put in the crossfire between his love for you and his love for the world. There is so much work to be done, and he is not looking for the people with every academic degree known to man, and every knowledge that could fill books, he is just looking for people who are willing, and are available, ready to lay down their lives.
My body hurts, more so, my entire back is in pain. I can’t really bend over without almost screaming. Two days ago right after our morning prayer, I felt like something wasn’t fully normal with my lower back, but I couldn’t fully tell what it was. The day continued, and on our way to Siem Reap in the evening, the pain intensified. Our bus ride was a little over six hours, and for the first two hours I watched “Faith like Potatoes” (which is a really good movie by the way), and then my entire back went into major pain mode. I decided to pray, since I couldn’t sleep on this 6-hour-night-journey of hours. I wish I could explain this phenomenon more, but the bottom-line was that the more I prayed the more the pain continued, but I didn’t want that to distract me. It felt like someone was putting major pressure on me and I couldn’t move.
We finally arrived in Siem Reap at 3am after such a long bus ride, and my body was weak, and I had to forcefully lift myself up from my seat, with every muscle in me screaming. Right before I went to sleep after journaling, all I could think about was Psalm 27, but I didn’t get a chance to read it. Then I had a very awful night, crazy nightmares with people trying to kill me. As I was running and trying to hide in my dream, I noticed that the pain in my back wouldn’t let me run quickly.
I don’t remember all the details of my dream, but I remember waking up in the wee ours of the morning and feeling like my back was going to snap into many pieces. I didn’t want to wake my teammates up, so I went back to sleep. It’s crazy because sometimes when we think about spiritual warfare in America, it seems like this distant thing to us, but here I am, and my body is being under major attack, and it is no longer something distant. I wish I could get into details about the warfare and strongholds I’ve faced since I’ve been here, but that’s another story for another day. I tried to pray before I went back to sleep but I couldn’t get myself to actually speak. It was hard, I felt hushed, but I eventually fell asleep and continued with the dark dreams. After 4 hours of sleep throughout the night, I woke up, went for my Bible, and read Psalm 27.
“The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid? When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war breakout against me, even then will I be confident. One thing i ask of the Lord, this is what I seek, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.”
No matter what happens, I choose to not fear that which can break my body. The last two days has been hard on my body, but I’ve gotten much better, with the constant prayers of my teammates. The Lord is certainly stretching me and using my weakness to teach me so much. There’s nothing to fear, and there is no need to be afraid. And really, the one thing I seek more than anything is to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord right now. He promised to always be with me, he doesn’t promise that life would be great all the time, but even through the trials, I rejoice, knowing that this is not permanent, I will be fine soon, so keep me in your prayers.
This weekend was packed. So many thoughts, so many mixed feelings, so much laughter and joy, and sadness all at once.
We went to the Boy’s Center which is a space for that Hard Places community have put together for the kids club that usually happens at Wat Phnom. So instead of going outdoors everyday to reach the kids, we have a space where the kids can come to, play games, learn, be counseled and so much more. The short term team from Michigan help put the place together, and I was so excited to see what they had done with it. Painting and fixing up, while doing ministry and so much more. That team has so many troopers and hard workers, and it is safe to say that I love them all dearly.
Time at the center was great, over a hundred kids where there, some foreigners, khmer families, a couple of churches came by, it was good. The kids were everywhere, just having a blast, and I got to see the little girl I mentioned in one of my blogs, that I fed and then she slept in my arms while it was raining (see blog - “What really is Love?”). I was so excited to see her, so I held her for a while :) Needless to say, the center was so much fun, plus I won a raffle prize - a box of chocolates.
My team and I went to the night market, met a new friend who is Cambodian and married to a Nigerian. Her kids are so precious, and people kept thinking they were my kids…sheesh, they looked nothing like me, besides the fact that we all looked African - I mean we are African. They did look like their mom, who is such a sweet young woman. We hung around the market for a while - She is such a great bargainer :)
We left the market, headed home but we were so desperate to see Paul (our friend from last weekend - see blog “Stop for the One!). As we rode in our tuk tuk, we all had our eyes out trying to see if we would be able to find him, and as soon as we did, we all yelled “stop” at the driver (in English and Khmer…lol). We got to Paul and we had the biggest smiles on our faces. We certainly couldn’t embrace him, so we just stood and smiled and shared our reactions when we saw him in the tuk tuk. He had a friend with him, who was also on a wheelchair, and we talked with him as well. he mentioned how he looked for us on the street where we first met him last week, at around 8pm. I was happy he was happy to see us. It was actually quite late at this time, so we bought them some food by the corner of the street, and gave them a few dollars, as God put on our hearts to, and we headed home. It was so beautiful!
Sunday morning, and off to Svay Pak sunday school. The kids learned about Jonah, and were given crayons and paper to draw, and they came up with some good creativity. I love these kids. Something about Sunday school today was so awesome, and I think it had a little to do with the fact that this was the last Sunday the Michigan team would be there. I was quite sad, like I was the one leaving, and you could tell some of the kids kind of figured it out. We spent time with some of them after church and it was so much fun.
I love that I get to spend time with kids, and I love that Hard Places Community is so interested in building relationships not just with the kids but with their families. I love to see the kids jump and laugh and roll on the floor, despite where they come from and their stories. They have all certainly taught me so much. I know this nation is torn apart and there is so much craziness going on, but these children are the future of this nation, they will get to question the practices, and challenge the system someday, and not let their society silence them, especially the girls, and I love that I was able to be a part of that. Sometimes it gets tough seeing so much pain and suffering, but there is hope, I know it, God has put it there, and I see it through the eyes of these lovely ones.
I spent all day with my friends from Michigan: from Svay Pak, to time spent with Josh and Ally, to time with the team at Wat Phnom, debrief, dinner and a surprise party. I really do feel like I have built relationships with most of them, if not all. It’s always so interesting to me when people connect with people overseas, because you know that other than this experience, there is probably a high likelihood that you would have never connected with them in the States. I sat at dinner with the team asking God why, out of all the short-term teams I’ve met here, why I feel much closer to this team, and why they are the ones that I’ve spent the most time with, and grown to love. But time will tell. They leave Cambodia this morning (Monday), and it was hard saying goodbye, and I realized how much harder it will be for me to say goodbye to all the kids, my team and all the people I’ve built relationships with here, when I leave. But I have time to process all those thoughts, so no need to rush into things :)
Long day, long weekend. It was great though! I look forward to this week, albeit a very busy one, but it’s always so fulfilling and rewarding in ways I couldn’t even begin to explain.
